Yesterday night I officiated over the maddest game of poker ever! I have talked about ‘Bingo Poker’ as a legitimate armoury in a players game as it helps facilitate doubt in the oppositions mind. However I never thought I would witness a game played by a drunk who could not stop winning in fact it has scarred me for life.
The game started as normal in a pub with the regular lads who are working away from home and saw this as a way of passing the boredom of Monday night watching Newcastle United v West Brom, while they pined for their families 350 miles away. They were then joined by the scraggy ends of a funeral wake who needed some kicks after drinking for 8 hours solid, and, decided to participate in a couple of rounds of poker – so far, so good. More players more prize money.
One particular gentlemen , who had a gigantic ‘Mars Bar’ (cockney rhyme and slang for ‘scar’) across his face decided that since he did not have a clue about poker he was going to play blind, i.e. not even look at his cards in the hole, but raise and re-raise as and when he felt like it! Normally any half decent player will think great, keep out of his way until you have a very good hand.
The plan didn’t work because when ‘Scarface’ needed a card to get out of trouble, he got it. In one hand he went all in and got King7 in the hole pairing the 7 on the board while the other player had Queen7 and consequently lost.
In another hand a player had Ace paired while drunken mourner with a strip across his cheek managed to get trips of 2’s on the turn and river – amazing scenes!
He then won another tournament when he actually looked at his cards and got a King flush while the other guy had Jack flush by the turn only to be rivered by our hero.
Scarface did lose a couple of games and then whined and moaned that he wanted to buy in although he was told that the tournament was a freeze out tournament. The other guest at the funeral wake found this highly amusing as did moi, yours truly. The other lads took it in good humour as they could see that this was the ultimate fish and very rarely do you get ultimate fishes.
I myself felt two types of feeling obviously you want to help relieve the gentleman from his chips but you do run the risk of getting caught and being made to look like a complete idiot. When I did finally get a game I only ran up against a shop lifting troglodyte (honest he made his living stealing from shops) who telegraphed his hand like a pilot fish but then get lucky on the river when his king 2’s gave him two pairs beating my paired Aces – such is life.
In the end you have to humour these types of players because they help to keep the poker industry alive and sloshed with money. They are basically 3 Card Brag rejects who think poker is a game of chance and will play accordingly. The fact the Scarface and Troglodyte made some money should be seen as charitable work for the needy and the clinically insane. They may come back, they may not. If they come back happy days if they don’t I have given the poker gods a pair of sacrificial lambs and hopefully the honour will be returned.