St Valentine Misery


Another St Valentine Day and the cost of keeping many women happy has become a bore especially when you’re on a down swing on the poker tables. So here is my little attempt to make you smile with some stuff I nicked from other people.

An Ode to St Valentine

Roses are red
Violet’s are blue
I wanted Maddie
But Elizabeth will do

Your eyes light up
Like stars in the sky
But it’s probably just the roofie
I dropped in your wine

I told you that 
You were my dream
But I really only
Wanted to hear you scream

My love for you 
Will never go under
Thanks to the camcorder
I kept in the dungeon

Happy Valentines Day!

All My Love

There is some good news about St Valentine.

The Emperor Claudius had him beaten with clubs, stoned, and then beheaded. That will teach the little shit to make us all buy flowers, cards and overpriced romantic dinners.

However if that is not good for you remember it is that more women kill themselves on St. Valentine’s Day, than any other day of the year. So fellas, save those receipts just in case!