Not The World Series of Poker

Ok ladies and gentlemen as you can tell I am writing this essay from the Birmingham UK and not from Las Vegas USA. I am helping to organise a poker tournament in which the top prize will be a T-shirt and not a zillion dollar gold bracelet. Something tells me that in the grand scheme of things I am not a big poker player at all.

The World Series of Poker has just started and if I described it as the Holy Grail for poker players I would not be underestimating its significance to the poker world. Here the big whales and their wannabe competitors play for serious money to get to the stage where they can be considered a top man or woman and also win loads of spondoollies.

I on the other hand I will be playing with a couple of gambling mad women and beer soaked blokes in a event which mirrors the World Series Of Poker in ambition but not in prize money. At least the women at my tournament are hot! In fact I am thinking of calling it the Not The WSOP as direct competition to the real thing and see if we cannot generate some publicity!

OK at the Not The WSOP our table service consist of beer and sandwiches but you have to get them yourself – what do you think this is a hotel? If you can’t get served at the bar it’s because the barmaid is sorting out the ladies toilet which has overflowed – again! Like I said we have loads of hot women but they are also big drinkers and are not that impressed with stories about your wife not understanding you, so cut the chat and get the beers in! At the WSOP the poker tables don’t move around but at the Not The WSOP you get the added benefit of moving tables because all our tables are on not too sturdy legs.

Remember don’t throw your chips into the pot as they might bounce up and go into someone’s beer – not a good idea around these parts! At the WSOP you will have loads of variations, at Not The WSOP you will have Texas No Limit Hold ‘Em and the odd game of brag and that’s it because we will be too drunk for anything too complicated. If there is an important race on (i.e. I have a double running onto the final leg of my patent) as tournament director I have the right to suspend the game until the race has finished – any complaints and you will lose 50% of your chips.

All games will finish by 11:30pm as the owner wants her beauty sleep – and who are we to argue! As you can see the professionalism of our tournament is up there with the big boys and with the added benefit of being in the company of fit women who don’t charge by the hour. So if you are passing Birmingham and want a good night out come along to the New Victoria Social Club for a laugh and see how they do it at The Not The World Series of Poker tournament.

Just to finish this posting here is our tournament poem written by a friend in Romania who is a professor of something or other, so is very clever:

Life’s an everyday play
But if loosing the game
You’ll be thrown away
Where are no paths to the human day…
Only the winners – if they are choosing right –
Remain in the light…