The Cheryl Cole Laying Stakes

Ashley and Cheryl Cole

Ashley and Cheryl Cole

The race has started to be the first person to go on the record for bedding the celebrity and W.A.G icon Cheryl Cole. The story of her backing dancer Derek Hough spending ‘quality time’ with Cheryl Cole, may make the prices null and void, however, the feeling is that he used rather too much hair spray, love to carry a rather dainty toy dog and walked with a very pronounced wiggle to really be in the running.

It is interesting that a bookmaker has already priced up the chances of it being the bouffant dancer and has the profession at 7/4 (2.75). This i feel is too skinny a price and should be layed with the gusto of Ashley Cole has with vibrating mobile phones – allegedly! Here are the full prices:

Dancer      7/4
Actor          3/1
Musician    5/1
Model      11/2
Sportsman Excluding A Footballer    6/1
Footballer      7/1
Presenter       7/1
Toilet Attendant 500/1

I would go for the rather tempting price of 7/1 Presenter since the rumour is that she will be on the judging panel for X Factor and undoubtedly there will be many tears about especially when our US cousins experience the fragrant Cheryl Cole nee Tweedy ‘s rather irritating ‘ahl reet’ (alright) catchphrase. Where there are tears there will be much consoling and you know where that can lead. It does amazes me that this undoubtedly pretty woman can make such a wave even though she cannot sing for toffee.

Added to the above list, there should be other prices such as how much product endorsement she will get now that she can go on loads of tv programs and do loads of magazine spreads on the anguish she suffered at the hands of a typical Chelsea footballer. Here are my tissue prices for the first revelations

Magazine spread about divorce        1/4

TV program about the divorce 7/4

Cheryl Cole keeps a dignified silence  5/1

As for Ashley Cole there are prices on him leaving Chelsea which could be on the card since he has been fined for sneaking women back to his hotel when he was at an away match, playing ‘away’ as it were. Here they are:

Chelsea           1/3
Real Madrid     7/1
Barcelona        9/1
Inter Milan      11/1
Tottenham      14/1
AC Milan         14/1
Man Utd          14/1
Liverpool         16/1
Arsenal           20/1
Newcastle       33/1

The bet here has to be 11/1 Inter Milan so that José Mourinho can upset Carlo Ancelotti and Chelsea – Mourinho previous club. As well as Ashley Cole being a class if philandering left back this would really cheese Ancelotti and Roman Abramovich off and make footballing sense especially since Internazionale does not have a established  class left back. We digress!

The final thing I will say about Cheryl Cole is that there are a lot of people who are glad that she has ‘separated’ from Ashley Cole and if she can just learn to sing then maybe, just maybe she can be the new Posh Spice?