Vampire Poker

Grandpa Munster
Grandpa Munster

Have you noticed that poker players are like vampires? Poker players tend to stay out of sunlight and only come alive at night. They only go to places that tend to invite them in just as vampires which cannot go into a house unless they are invited.  Poker players have no real benefit to society and basically suck the blood out of more productive citizens. The victims of vampire poker players tend to be naive and gullible like the victims of vampires in the Hollywood film.

On the surface poker players are kind of sexy – if I say so myself! But scratch the sureface and it reveals a selfish, self serving blood sucker who have some sort of personality disorder, and, cannot form mutally nurishing relationship. How could you enjoy a relationship with a poker player when social skills are seen as ‘tells’ and ‘leaks’ that should be dampen down and not encouraged?

Unlike vampires poker players will gladly eat their own and do so with relish. In fact poker players will order plenty of side dishes and a fine wine to embellish their cannibalistic feast. Vampires call their targets prey, we call ours fish – same difference but once a poker player reaches the final table it is everyone for themselves unless the poker players are the lowest of the low and hunt in packs in order to maximise their ability to get into the prize money.

Just like vampires we like to talk about our past glories as if they were yesterday. This is probably the most boring part of poker players as it signifies that they think there stories are interesting, which usually they are not, and, only concludes that the social skills of poker players are like that of an hungry vampire that need to gorgre on the life force that is in a room.

The modern day poker player like to dress as stroppy gothic teenagers with hooded clothing, dark glasses and ipods. The reason for this is usually that they want to concentrate on the game apparently, but, in reality they are showing the arrested development of a poker player and showing how insecure their fragile personality are. Just as vampires are badly dressed so are poker players.

The only thing vampires and poker player differ on is the use of garlic. Vampires hate garlic but poker players love them especially when sitting at a tournament table and eating a fast food dinner. Some will even have a proper dinner while playing. The reason for this has never been examined because it will raise too many questions about the poker player’s home lifestyle. To many poker players home could be a coffin in a crypt as they only need a bed since the players whole existence to to play poker and not happy families.

Some of you readers may think that I am being a bit ‘tongue in cheek’ in comparing vampires to poker player and I would like to take this opportunity to apologies to vampires as I am only making a point and do not want to denigrate an alternative lifestyle.

Tomorrow I will discuss the Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia and certain poker website and how a business model of criminal denial is replicated at various online poker sites on a regular basis