The Card Dealer by Frank Peak

If you are a poker player in live games, and, through accident or design you end up dealing for long periods of the time, boy the period will drag and bore you senseless.

I have had the misfortune in being the dealer for a while and it sucks! Constantly telling people to ante up or put their blinds in is so tedious how anyone decides to make a profession out of it I do not know. Inevitably you will get question on whether its a person bets or some player decides they want to slow play for some rubbish reason and you have to continuously tell that individual to speed up, bet, fold or just do something because it is numbing waiting for the to do something.

Why had I decided to help people learn to play poker I do not know. I maybe a great personality and all that, but, being a teacher is not what I want to do, especially when I have to explain the concept of split pots for the millionth time. After a while I noticed that the players just wait for your voice to instruct them how to play. why can’t these people just look at the table and not wonder off into some parallel universe where their boring, tedious life has some significance? Just follow the game and do not wait to be prompted…

The bit I hate is the high pitched questioning of an instruction such as ‘how much’ or ‘but my pair of 2′s is the winner’ even though there is a pair of tens and a pair of 3′s????!!!! You find the high pitch question remarks from players who are new and just won a nice pot. They think that somehow they are good and that their opinions and utterances has some value other than to make life difficult for the dealer. I could quite happily smack the person in the face because instead of getting on with the game they start poncing around and priming as a peacock.

After my numerous dealing that I have done recently I have decided to up my game because dealing is crap and I do not want to be in the position where I have to smile and make someone happy when in truth the punter need a clump around the head with a big stick.

The accusing looks and comments from losing poker players can get on my wick. Why should I cheat because I know how you play and you play shit? At the end of a gruelling day listening to whinges, bad manners and poor social skills, I do like to have a dabble on the  tables, so at first it was nice to see how people played but once you have read the play It is time to take advantage. But in the meantime i will have to listen to more ‘…is it my go…?

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Situationist Playing Poker

Thinking outside the box is a much overused term, however, it is the thing that is needed to win at anything and that includes poker. When you are playing poker you are Managing Director, Finance Director and Marketing Manager for your game.

Managing Director – to make all major decisions with your game. Things such as online or live, which tournament, am I good enough to play at this level i have got the mug player sussed he twitches when he has a big hand etc etc.

Finance Director – is this hand worth betting half my chips on? What is the the odds of making the inside straight and is winning the pot worth the bet etc, etc.

Marketing Manager – is my table image good or bad, shall I wear a hoodie and/or sunglasses, should I show my bluff to my opponent etc etc.

With me there is a fourth position and that is Secretary and Registrar and this take place in the blogging for this site. It is like some do it yourself psychoanalysis for my play.

Maybe its my need to understand the nature of my addiction that I create and organise the thoughts in my head then commit them to the Internet for some sort of purge from my memory bank. i am a total ‘situationist’ in that I believe and try to exhibit a total instant art for effect world view on playing poker.

I find that if my external existence has been good my card game becomes un-inhibited. When my mind is elsewhere due to the daily grind of living so is my poker game. As a motivational discourse, using situation-ism to help come to terms will random ‘situation’ and especially to making erratic decision.

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It is the old story that will never go away is playing online better than playing live? The answer must be playing live, because of the experience of actual human contact and the nuances that can be gleaned from playing a real life human.

Playing online can have its advantages as you can physically leak as much tells as you want, which cannot hurt you because no one can see you. The only time you can get a tell is if you volunteer the information such as typing a message or after losing a sick pot, immediately going all in with the next hand (admit it we have all done it). On the whole in my view, it is better to play live just for the ability to meet people.

The one thing online has over live is that you can try new things without giving away too much. Trying out new strategies in real money situation has to help your playing style. The cloak of anonymity conceals the nerves of slow playing Jacks knowing that your opponent are looking for Queen, King or Ace.

Also, playing online has certainly helped make a change of the worlds best players. It seems that the online poker players are taking over the world, with younger players charging all over the old guard, and, all learnt their game online.

Online poker players also have the ability to create statistics that can be read by all and sundry and therefore get chipped up to play bigger tournaments if they have the ability to grind and not get too bored with doing it. In fact there is now the option to play big game poker and not risk your bank. This is the project which a group of UK guys are working on at the moment.

So to help all those new and hungry future world champions do not forget to enter the freeroll with our friends from AWHpoker.

The game is for €50 and starts Sunday 21st of March at 8pm (20:00) – the password is ‘totty’. Click on this banner to go to the site. Sorry no US players.

It is the old story that will never go away is playing online better than playing live? The answer must be playing live, because of the experience of actual human contact and the nuances that can be gleaned from playing a real life human.

Playing online can have its advantages as you can physically leak as much tells as you want, which cannot hurt you because no one can see you. The only time you can get a tell is if you volunteer the information such as typing a message or after losing a sick pot, immediately going all in with the next hand (admit it we have all done it).  On the whole in my view, it is better to play live just for the ability to meet people.

The one thing online has over live is that you can try new things without giving away too much. Trying out new strategies in real money situation has to help your playing style. The cloak of anonymity conceals the nerves of slow playing Jacks knowing that your opponent are looking for Queen, King or Ace.

Also, playing online has certainly helped make a change of the worlds best players. It seems that the online poker players are taking over the world, with younger players charging all over the old guard, and, all learnt their game online.

Online poker players also have the ability to create statistics that can be read by all and sundry and therefore get chipped up to play bigger tournaments if they have the ability to grind and not get too bored with doing it. In fact there is now the option to play big game poker and not risk your bank. This is the project which a group of UK guys are working on at the moment.

So to help all those new and hungry future world champions do not forget to enter the freeroll with our friends from AWHpoker.

The game is for €50 and starts Sunday 21st of March at 8pm (20:00) – the password is ‘totty’. Click on this banner to go to the site. Sorry no US players.

a view on poker from a dodgy position

You cannot be surprised that the recession has hit the poker industry in the UK with the live poker game suffering the most according to Mintel, the market research company.

According to the report under the provocative heading ‘Poker…a busted flush?’ Mintel state that gross gaming yield dropped from £265 million in 2008 to £247 million in 2009. With almost a third admitting to have changed their playing habits due to the recession.

The biggest loser has been live poker which has been labelled as boring. Which surprises me because my live pub games have been said to have resembled the decadence during the fall of the Roman Empire.

I think the problem with the live game is that there is nothing to do if you get knocked out early, also, most casino frown on table banter. The reason for this is that it can get out of hand and turn into abuse. Depending on the persons involved this can lead to fights. The trick is keeping it sweet, which is quite hard since people hate to lose even if its for small stakes or even play chips. I think I may have cracked the problem of boring live games, since my versions of live poker do seem to be popular.

With the online game it is well overdue for Poker 2,0 or even 3.0 if you take 3D poker and social networks as Poker 2.0. As you may have read me go on about it, ad nauseum <LINK 1>, <LINK 2>,online poker needs a new technological bounce to put fresh impetus into the game. There are people working on it and soon I maybe able to send out some good news on that front.

In the end the popularity of poker is like losing your virginity once you have done it you will always go back for seconds.

Sometime ago I wrote a piece about the next generation for online poker. Sadly nothing seems to be happening at the moment, although there seems to be a lot of research and ultimately it is all about technology and social interaction.

What I am doing – apart from moaning about being bored with losing on the poker tables – is trying to build a team for more live games and promotions. The fruit of my endeavour will be available soon, but don’t hold your breath as you may be holding it for a long time…

Got these gems from some of my online buddies and its all about making yourself the center of attention and hopefully getting the players to play the way you want them to play.

REMEMBER!

If in doubt Raise, if the cards look pretty Raise, if you want to play the hand Raise, failing that fold.

Obviously this is a very blunt way of playing the noble game of hustlers and rogues and you should always play the situation first, but in the end can anyone come up with a better strategy?

Preparation for Live Tournament Play

1) Spend all of today watching YouTube videos on chip riffling.

2) Ditto the above re card shuffling.

3) Beg, steal or borrow a rap superstar hoodie. If all else fails, nip into town and obtain a sports one.

4) Dig out those vintage Ray Bahns.

5) Continually annoy the table by “forgetting” to put in your blinds.

6) Always say – “Sorry is it me to go? I fold.”

7) If……you make it to the first break, continually bore your new found “friends” with such stories as – “I had to call him. I put him on air. Hey, that’s the firs time in eons that I’ve hit runner, runner when my tournament life’s has been put on the line. It’s usually me that gets sucked out on……”

8 ) Bubble

9) Go onto a poker forum following day and inform everyone of the “shocking standard of live play”

10) Go to bed with the mantra “I’m a winner goddamit! I’ll show those f*cking shmuks next time” reverberating ad finitum in your head.

11) Go straight to the casino from work on the building site without washing.

12) Wear too much jewellery.

12) Tell whoever is listening about how you can’t go to Vegas due to some sort previous criminal conviction.

13) Order a crisp sandwich from the waitress and munch it messily over the table while making a decision.
14) Suck out loudly and ungraciously.

15) Be an utter sleazebag to the hot lady dealer.

16) When there’s a multi-way all-in with side pots, get stuck in trying to sort it all out, especially if you’re not in the hand.

17) Mess about with your iPod when the dealer wants a decision.

18) Make farting noises when someone has just lost a big pot.

19) Shake the hand of a loser who went all in with a pair of two’s and say hard luck.

20) When someone shows there hand to you, refuse to do the same even though you won.

have you got a live poker tournament to advertise then why not take up our offer of a free slot to promote your live tournament. If this is what you want then drop me an email via this link <CONTACT PAGE>.

If you have a online poker tournament please submit for verification and as long as the tournament is a cool tournament then it will be advertised.

I have noticed that I play very different online than I play live. Why this is I don’t know but I tend to take more risk when I am online and will call hands when the odds maybe against me.

So now I have divulged that I will be reckless with 20% of my hands wail I see more people seeing my play or could I have been lying…who knows…!