As anyone with a passing interest in poker will know that the game is a numbers game played at a psychological level. Basically play your best hands to your opponents weakness and get paid off. The one with the most chips in the end wins!

Well at this time of year when the winter apparently subsides, unless you live in the UK, and spring is in the air the hormones start to get excited and affairs of the heart become a very important topic. Some will woo the lady of their life some will look to pasture’s new.

Just as in cards if you are not getting ahead in a game it is time to find a new table or even in my case a new game entirely such as Badugi or some such exotic variation. Therefore with heart there is no difference and looking to get a taste of forbidden fruit is always a worthwhile gamble unless you are a Chelsea footballer.

Your success rate in the game of sex is dependent on your mental make up. Just as in poker a headfcuk will destroy your game and can damage you completely. So some people, men and women, have certain strategies to play the game.

There is the ‘Rod Stewart’ strategy! Stick to one type and aim to control the essential essence of that stereotype or all its worth. They do not have to be a model, slim and blond, they can be middle aged and bored, small and dominant, whatever, stick to the type and get to know your prey.

There is the ‘Pay As You Go’ method! Be the flashiest, most blingiest person in the room and the magpies will be attracted like flies to sh*t. Or play as many hands as possible going all in at the drop of a hat and sooner or later you will have a run in which you cant lose.

There are loads of method which work but the funniest one has to be ‘New Town, New Love’. When you arrive at a new game obviously no one knows who you are therefore you can play anyway you want, throw as many variables into the air and as long as you can take the odd beat you will score a prize. The reason why this has a prominent role in this post is that I was reminded of a story about a garage re-fitter who traveled the country and had a method of basically asking women for sex, but in a nice, none dodgy way and he would score time after time. Yes he would get a knock back and his success rate was roughly 1 in 20.

Now asking a women for sex will not get you anywhere if you say ‘do you want a shag’ or words to that effect. Our hero would start conversations about this that or the other and pick up on things such as does she play badminton go to the gym, is she into art etc once that has been pinpointed he would hone in and say I play badminton, like training, or, love art etc bang the the bait has worked.

Like I said it was not always successful but with a ROI of 5% not a bad investment and if it didn’t work, ah well at least he had a nice night out in a new town. The key thing in this method was that he had a reason to be away and there was a reason for having a chat. As with poker in a new game you can experiment with your hands and you can call when you know you are beaten because it is a new game. Throw enough chips in the air and you will catch a few.

Christmas is the pulling season in my book. Stuff all the guff about born in a manger as it never happened. If Jesus was born it was probably in September and not December. The only reason it is in December is that the Romans used to have a festival in December which allowed the Christians the ability to celebrate in December or whatever the month was called then.

Also Christmas is a rip off, a conspiracy to make adults spend loads of money on ungrateful youngsters in the vain hope of getting some peace and quiet in the next year. I have a simple equation for this it is called the PK Equation for Xmas – the older you get, the less presents you get, but, the more presents you have to buy.

The only good thing about the festive season is that there are loads of sex to be had and all it requires is a few simple words, some drink and some moves and away you go. Just been reading a piece of work by a scientist with the appropriate name of Dr Lovatt who studies dancing and how it can get you laid. All you really need to know is that learning the moves from Saturday Night Fever and stop listening to The Arctic Monkeys will get you in bed with more ladeeeessss. Here is to The Pulling Season and stuff the turkey.

A fish in shark clothing

At the moment my appetite to grind out games for hours on end is very low at the moment. It could be the seasonal weather (I always felt I suffered from Seasonal Adjusted Disorder), or, it could be that bleeps and clicks are not doing it for me at the moment. This is making me a little bit fishy in the way I play poker. Instead of chewing and spitting out my opponents I am talking risk as a way to spice up the game. So I need a break.

Here is another of my interludes from grinding moments and it is a corker it features a very rude man who smashes over $100,000 of vodka and brandy. Also to add to the general distraction I also feature the classic Hard Times/Love Action remix by The Human League nom de plume League Unlimited apparently a nod to Barry Whites Love Unlimited Orchestra (not a lot of people know that). Enjoy!

Things To Do When Bored With Poker #6

How funny was that

?!!

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Hard Times/Love Action

This little bit of information forming means that my Facebook Friends are pretty well adjusted in that they are more likely to be romantic than your average poker player. Therefore, I will take my cue and become more adverse in placing a game of poker over a warm touch of an angel.

Thank you all for an interesting insight and for taking part.

Tina Lee

1. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day?

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean?
Staying at a hotel on the beach
having a few drinks, going to dinner etc hee hee

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses?
roses

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated?
no

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in?
watching the sun set

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon?
hot air balloon

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty?
no

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say?
go fuck yourself!!!

8. One big present or loads of little presents?
lots of little one`s

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night?
late night, late morning

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two?
on a cruise.

Osama Ahmed

1. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day? No

1b If no then fancy a game of poker? I Don’t Gamble

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses? Roses

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated? Yes

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in? Till now never

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon? Hot Air Balloon

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty? Dont know

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say? Never had a partner till now

8. One big present or loads of little presents? Just trust and caring needed.

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night? Dont know

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two? Any place where food is good.

Franchesca Van Dyk

Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day? No

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean?N/A

1b If no then fancy a game of poker?Only if its free online poker like online poker 66

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses?Neither

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated?No

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in?None yet

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon?Hot Air Balloon

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty?NO

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say?OK u can make up for it on a day or night wen u are free

8. One big present or loads of little presents?Loads of little presents

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night?A late nite, late morning

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two?At a chinese resturant

Jonathan W McIntyre

1. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day? Yes

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean? Pay the rent on my apartment then spend the rest of the day relaxing and watching movies until I take my new bride for a nice romantic dimmer.

1b If no then fancy a game of poker?

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses? Chocolates

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated? No

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in?Being snowed in last Valentines day and the staying warm part.

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon? Orient Express

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty? yes

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say?
No problem. I’ll mis you terribly, but I understand and I will see yo next time.
8. One big present or loads of little presents? I can’t help myself…both

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night? late night, late morning

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two? On a cruise ship to see the Alaskan Glaciers

Lili Rossouw

1. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day?

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean?
Would have had a Ceilidh (musical party) but instead Iain has a gig at a restaurant so probably the kids and I will be home reading / watching some movie

1b If no then fancy a game of poker?
If you can come over and I can make you some good laced coffee and we can play dress-up poker (Every time someone loses they have to put on another piece of garment – you end up like eskimos)

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses?
Chocolates – I can eat them all before my hubby comes home LOL

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated?
Noooo! Love champagne. Specially pink ones.

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in?
Problem is, I can’t keep a straight face in a romantic situation. It’s because I start remembering all those horrible jokes I heard, just at the wrong moment. So I married the guy who was resilient enough to survive my having fits of giggles every time we kissed.

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon?
WOW Hot Air Balloon definitely! I’ve had such a lot of hot air in my life already it would be nice to experience the real thing!! LOL

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty?
No – a bit naughty. And very nice.

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say?
LMAO knock yourself out sweetie pie I’ll be partying anyway! Pity you won’t be there…

8. One big present or loads of little presents?
Yoy. Loads of little really teeny weeny things, distributed over every day of the year.

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night?
The first

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two?
There’s a tearoom on the beach in Marina Beach, just north of Port Edwards, South Coast of Southern Free. It’s beautiful. When I close my eyes I’m there, with the moon on the sea and the waves splashing up against the rock and the white sand. The menu doesn’t matter, Irish Coffees only is enough too, as long as someone else pays for the babysitter…

Disclaimer: My answering this questionaire does not imply that I have any intent to leave my husband. LMHO

John DeBaie

1. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day? Yes/no

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean? Going to se my g/f for the morning/ free in afternoon evening

1b If no then fancy a game of poker? if it in late afternoon evening

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses? chocolates

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated? yes

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in? Not sure

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon? Orient express

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty? not to me

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say? Why wasn’t i invited

8. One big present or loads of little presents? whatever my partner decides

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night? depends on the situation

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two? AT home cooked by me

Knobby Clark (bit worried about this one – shouldn’t he be tipping winners or something? Editor)

. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day?
YES

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean?
I’m off to Ireland in the morning. BUT only to visit family.

1b If no then fancy a game of poker?
N/A

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses?
Chocolates

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated?
Love to pour it over a sexy womans naked body then lick it off

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in?
Stayed in a Castle in England with ensuite jaccuzi and four poster bed also open fire with a rug layed out in front of it and a sexy woman or two in stockings and suspenders licking hot chocolate sauce of my XXXX

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon?
I drive trains for a living & been in a hot air balloon last summer so guess Ill stay in my room (See about question)

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty?
I love to get down and dirty so if anything gets in my was Ill lick it suck it & eat it.

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say?
Get your ass round here now!!!

8. One big present or loads of little presents?
Loads of little ones.

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night?
A early night & late morning.

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two?
In bed eating each other.

Emily Arnesen

1. Do you have any plans for St Valentines’ Day? Yes.

1a. If yes give us a clue of your plans but keep it clean? I’m going away for the weekend – so V Day is effectively starting for me tomorrow – Friday. My husband is taking me to a capital city of another country and there we are going to sight see and do all the things we used to do and enjoy before we got caught in the humdrum of everyday life.

1b If no then fancy a game of poker?

2. Would you prefer chocolates or roses? Roses

3. Do you think champagne is over-rated? Loathe champagne.

4. What was the most romantic situation you have been in? Meeting my future husband online, receiving my first valentines gift from him and then arranging to meet him in person a couple of months later – we did – and two weeks later were engaged.

5. Orient Express or Hot Air Balloon? Orient Express no Hot Air Balloon no both!

6. Is the thought of edible lingerie a bit nasty? No.

7. If your partner said to you ‘I cant come around tonight as I have a big game on’, what would you say? Ok – I’ll do Facebook.

8. One big present or loads of little presents? One big.

9. A late night, late morning or late morning, early night? Don’t understand the question – but I prefer late night.

10. Where would you like to have a romantic dinner for two? Does this have to be in England? If England – one of the Gordon Ramsay restaurants in London. If not, then at one of the restaurants in Camps Bay (Cape Town, SA), with a full sea view.

Poker Totty Claire:

Feed Shark

They say that if you win at cards then you are unlucky in love so what happens when you are unlucky at both, does that mean you’re a double loser?

At the moment I can’t win at both – twice I have been chip leader in tournaments with my hand on the prize money and then a red mist covers my eyes and I go into full tilt mode losing my stack and my prize money.

Then I get blown out by a girl who has been asking for it for ages! Why because her so called boyfriend ‘wouldn’t like it’. It never stop her before!

Anyway my website is coming along nicely and hopefully that will bring me some luck. If not then I will have to contemplate going back to work for a living. Oh woe is me….