Christmas is the pulling season in my book. Stuff all the guff about born in a manger as it never happened. If Jesus was born it was probably in September and not December. The only reason it is in December is that the Romans used to have a festival in December which allowed the Christians the ability to celebrate in December or whatever the month was called then.

Also Christmas is a rip off, a conspiracy to make adults spend loads of money on ungrateful youngsters in the vain hope of getting some peace and quiet in the next year. I have a simple equation for this it is called the PK Equation for Xmas – the older you get, the less presents you get, but, the more presents you have to buy.

The only good thing about the festive season is that there are loads of sex to be had and all it requires is a few simple words, some drink and some moves and away you go. Just been reading a piece of work by a scientist with the appropriate name of Dr Lovatt who studies dancing and how it can get you laid. All you really need to know is that learning the moves from Saturday Night Fever and stop listening to The Arctic Monkeys will get you in bed with more ladeeeessss. Here is to The Pulling Season and stuff the turkey.

I am not one to complain (stop laughing at the back), so all I will say that when you say you will do something, shake hands on it (or the equivalent sign of honour and trust worthiness)  it is important to stick to it as it is what stops us from being country and western music fans. Only joking about country and western music but would the country and western song writers please lighten up!!!!!

So in the time honoured tradition of if you have been shafted and hassled, find someone more lamentable than yourself and watch as they make you feel better, there are alqays people who are greater idiot than yourself.

This video is a brilliant piece of intelligent people who think passing exams makes them witty. Having a laugh at yourself is an admirable quality, making a damn fool of yourself is unforgivable.

The video is supposed to be a tribute to Michael Jackson and The jackson brothers. It is so awful it is funny and will definitely distract you from the pocket ace’s that just got busted.

The doctors who thought this up must have went out with the intention to be funny but end up looking like fruit cakes. Is it racism? Probably not but would you want to be treated by these doctors? Nah exactly. Hey Hey What A Corker

coffee and ciggies to keep you awake

Why are women so cantankerous? Last weekend I was supposed to go to a friends surprise 50th birthday party up north. The main problem was a) somewhere to stay and b) spending money. Answer, my old girlfriend Judy.

The only problem was Judy and her need for constant reassurance and for continuous texting. I swear to god that if she isn’t texting she is smoking, and, if she isn’t smoking she is texting.

Anyway while I don’t do texting when you are doing something else it does seem pointless to text someone to say that you are on the train or in a bar having a drink. So unless it is of any significance I will not text to say I am on the toilet having a dump. That sort of information should not be sent by text. Judy however is not a sensible or rational person. If she sends you a text you must reply within 15 minutes or there is a problem. I tend to reply when I want too.

So I didn’t get to go to the birthday party and instead I ended up playing poker at a poker club on Saturday night. Saturdays are really for taking out the woman you chatted up the previous night. Playing poker should not be played on Saturday unless you didn’t pull on Friday or you are a compulsive gambler who likes to get drunk while losing money. Just like those religions which have special days off, same in poker. The poker gods said save thy money on a Saturday night and spend it onto umpteenth young ladies having fun.

Having found myself in the position of no woman, no cry type of scenario I decided to go and join in the tournament. I was late and had to wait for the donks to get knocked out before I was seated. Luckily Saturday night is donkfest night and I managed to get onto a table just before the tourney reached the cut off point.

In total there were 160 players and playing in cruise control I ended up 4th. Not bad for a guy who really didn’t try too hard to read the game. I must do this again.

When I left the club at around 5:30 am I just wanted to walk around for hours. It must have been the caffeine or it could have been the alcohol impairing my senses but I ended up doing a 2 hour walk for a laugh. It looks like I will break a habit of a lifetime if what I saw on Saturday is a true reflection of the standard poker skills at this particular club. If it is then happy days!