Adele

I love watching James Bond movies. I like the gadgets, the gags and the girls. Since Daniel Craig has been Bond things have got serious but they are still enjoyable films with loads of action and great cinematic shots. Then some bright spark decided that Adele should sing the theme music and that’s when the whole fun stopped.

I am sorry to say that I find Adele’s permanent whine a big turn-off. Her constant misery and self pity is so mind numbingly awful that I refuse to have her music on in any capacity in my vicinity. They say art and music is a window to a soul and that a tortured artist makes for an interesting debate, but in Adele’s world the best thing to do is commit suicide as no one should live the life that Adele leads. It is a god awful existence of moan and groan, a bit like purgatory with love handles.

She is not a bad singer it is just the subject matter she seems to sing about is so joyless it is like having sugar substitute instead of the real thing, you are  always left with a nasty after taste in your mouth. This is why I have put off going to see ‘Skyfall’ the new James Bond film and seriously contemplating watching a pirate copy so as not to endure Adele warblings in full Imax digital sensurround stereo.

How can anyone live the life of self imposed misery which Adele does is beyond me. We all have bad times and sad times but no one has the right to indulge into the pit of wanton despair that Adele seems to enjoy. She must enjoy being the merchant of doom and gloom as she keeps on churning out the stuff. It is a sorry state of affairs that the nation and the world has fully purchased the ”slash my wrist while I exhale a barrage of turgid blancmange inspired ear ache’. 

I cannot think of a up tempo tune that the ‘chanteuse of cheese’ has sung. But why should she sing up tempo music when there are millions upon millions of miserable people who love being made even more miserable? The truth is the people who buy Adele’s music are just as pathetic as Adele. They feel entitled to inflict their own psychological tantrums on society and have their tummy tickled as a soothing ‘there, there my dear’ is whispered into their ear. Basically they want to be molly cuddled and Adele speaks to this audience.

A horrible, horrible situation to be in is having a date with an Adele fan. Having to put on the music while the date slowly and wistfully drift into a world where being interesting and lively is a no no. Adele is probably a wonderful woman and a brilliant mother but I bet her fella and child will have counselling in the not too distant future. Every one has the right to be down, but no one has the right to abuse being down when they have a half decent life. After all if they were dying of hunger, with no place to call home then you could understand, but, if you can purchase Adele’s music via iTunes it is basically odds-on that you are not living in complete destitution so please for the sake of humanity stop encouraging this blinking woman.

Sooner or later she has to lighten up a bit. We do not need another Leonard Cohen to ‘brighten’ our days. Could you imagine a household in which Leonard Cohen and Adele lived in? How terrible that would be and the poor children would be in constant rehab after taken any amount of drugs to survive the hopelessness of their life. The money Leonard Cohen and Adele household would generate could be enormous, but please do not let this happen. The gloom and wretchedness would be too much to bare.

Here is some of the stuff I am talking about. How do you make a James Bond film unattractive?

Adele – Someone like you

Adele – Skyfall