An 8 year old in India wins $500,000+ while using his uncle’s online poker account.

Questions:

1. What right has a uncle in using his nephew for child labour?

2. Why make this public so the poker website and the other punters can claim that the money was won illegally?

3. Can the uncle be sued for criminal activity?

4. Wiil the child become addicted to gambling?

5. I thought gambling was illegal in India, hence, are those responsible risking jail?

6.  Why didn’t the family keep there mouth shut and spend the cash like it was going out of fashion?

This story is going to run and run, if true…

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Still looking for the next poker superstar. Have you got the techniques and the ability to be that person?

Imagine the scene, you are losing heavily, the tournament organisers have been cutting back on expenses. Another internet player has called your bet with a pair of Tens and you have 3 6’s and the ‘turn’ and ‘river’ gives your opponent a flush therefore kicking you out of the game. What would you do?

Well I must admit that I am surprised that this type of robbery has never happened before. When I started playing poker it was very illegal and the sorts of people who played poker or more correctly 3 card brag, at the time, were the sorts of people you had a row with over spilt beer. If you had the temerity to try and steal some money you ran the risk of being stabbed, glassed or both.

Nowadays the game seems to be populated by computer nerds and geeks who see it as the height of fashion to look like an extra in one of those numerously depressing vampire films. So why not steal 800,000 Euros from the European Poker Tour (EPT) in Germany, which is lying around in a bog standard hotel, being looked after by security guards straight from a temporary staffing agency.

So there you go a backdrop to Germany’s very own Oceans Eleven and its funny how life and art looks so different. Fair play to the robbers, probably some desperate East German gambler with a larger criminal plan in mind.

Do you sometimes have one of those weeks when you wonder if you are living in some parallel universe where everything is not exactly in the right place? Well my friends I have had one of those and my head feels like a punch bag in Mike Tyson’s gym.

It didn’t start well, I got a call from my Manchester squeeze telling me that my good friend Eddie has only a few weeks to live and if I want to have somewhere to stay when I go to the funeral then I better be nice to her or my squeeze will make my life living hell.

I bit below the belt but it is what I expect from her since she left her husband and expected me to move in with her. It ain’t going to happen because I got things to do and moving into a flat with neurotic women is not on the agenda by a long shot. So I will have to be absent until the death or make other arrangements - it is always good to have a plan B.

Next came the ongoing saga over my broadband which is becoming as bore and will eventually lead me to smashing the damn thing and stuff the bill or more sensibly telling Three and Hewlett Packard to take their crappy machinery and sort it out or I will commit justified homicide on their technicians in India and South Africa and trust me I will fly out to those places and shove my date of birth, postal code and product serial number down their procedural throats. It is maddening while you are short stack with a chance of making it to the payday when your computer just freezes up!

Then came the news that a kid I knew committed suicide! He wasn’t an angel but he was only sixteen and somehow you do think that he deserved better than what he got in his short and tragic life. Some say he was bad news but I can only speak as I find, and, he was never disrespectful to me.

In fact I was having one of my sensible moments when he asked me some advice on why people hated him? I sat down and told him that you cannot expect to upset people one minute and then expect them to like you the next. If you do upset people, expect some comeback in whatever form it comes. This is what happens and when you go down that road, you basically leave a bad feeling. He did listen to me and I truly believe he took it onboard what I said to him, but, I fell out with his grandmother over a promise she made on a business matter and that was the last time I spoke to him.

When you hear bad news like that I find it easier to divert attention to objects rather than feelings, and, I decided to play poker as a ‘horse‘. A horse is a player who plays poker for a backer and gets a percentage of the winnings. My reason for this is that I wanted to get into the mind of a stacked player. The result of this exercise is that my ratings is that of a person on ’Super Tilt’. Never really heard the term before but it basically means you have played 8 tournaments and not won a bean and therefore I am rubbish and should try some other method of investing my money.

I then decided to punt heavily on Birmingham City not to lose to Portsmouth in the English Football Association Cup - which is the oldest soccer competition in the world and I have had a decent bet on Birmingham City winning the competition at 33/1! Now Portsmouth is a club in turmoil and Birmingham are not.

Portsmouth is in administration which means they are nearly bankrupt. They have the remarkable distinction of having a Russian oligarch, and, an Arabian sheik as owners’ who didn’t have any money! Birmingham City on the other hand are financially viable, absolutely sae from relegation and are hard to beat. Therefore I pumped heavily that they would not get beaten - Birmingham City lost 2 - 0!

I again decide to play some more online poker. This time I decided to right the wrong of my stats and definitely make the money. Playing Omaha which means I will play super tight and all was going well when I suddenly found myself in position 25 out of 2000+ people, I am about to make the money position when I get silly for some god forsaken and decided to play up my AA 66 which were both suited I lost to a flush and was booted out. I played Texas Hold Em, being a bit erratic but I am OK. Then my Queens was in a race against AK suited, and, AK suited gets his Ace.

So here I am on a Saturday night with a large glass of whiskey in mental anguish when I suddenly read an article that some Mickey Mouse university in Canada states that online poker relieves stress! McGill University must have some dubious research department to come out with this gem of a concept. Now I have searched everywhere for this paper and I am sure it’s out there but it is well hidden and I am now of the opinion that it was sponsored by internetonlinepoker4you.com!

Not wishing to disparage the scientist but when you hear continuous blurb about its conclusion yet no easy access to the actual research paper, alarm bells ring in my head. If I am wrong and the papers are there for all to see - fair play to them. Put if you spend an hour looking for the paper and it still not available but the headline story is everywhere it makes you think, hmmmmm!

Now that I have had my therapeutic whinge I am about to plunge into the relaxing world of suck outs, lose of money and drunkenness - happy days!

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It has been brought to my attention again and again, that there is a lack of male Poker Tottys. All I can say is that I have tried to source hot looking men who have an interest in poker, but, there does not seem to be many around.

Maybe it is that good looking guys do not play poker or good looking guys who play poker are naturally reserved and do not eel the need to let the world know about their career? Who knows, I certainly don’t?

So I will put out the appeal again if any men out there who wish to be a Poker Totty please contact yours truly and we will feature you.

There you go Samantha and Lizzy I have done it so you cannot say I didn’t try.

A donkey playing poker

Now that I am looking for the next poker superstar I decided to play like a horse for a stable and experience the feeling of gambling like a professional grinder. The only problem I had is that i went into tournaments that had loads of money guaranteed with some even having re-buys. I hate re-buys because it becomes bingo poker for nut cases and that is not a good idea if you want to win by being irrational and random.

So there I am trying to be sensible while all around me the poker world as i can see it is going doolally. I lost and after battling 4000+ players i felt like I had just been in a fight with Liberace and lost. I felt completely defeated and just wanted to drink some strong liquor.

I then had a game of low limit pub tourney as an antidote to the numerous beating and losing of money which was not mine. in the game which is so loose that a baby with attention deficiency syndrome could win with it’s eyes shut, i felt at home. While in the big blind I called and received a pair of Aces and a pair of eights with a random 2. I bet minimum bet got raised and I re-raised - happy days! The next card was a jack and my opponent went all in. I called and when the cards were shown I had two pairs Ace and Eights and nutuob had a pair of 2’s. Obviously the river returned another 2, giving madman 3 of a kind. He thought i was bluffing?

Being a horse is great if you are good and patient. I am neither of these, especially online but. I bet there are players out there who will make serious money for their stable. Hopefully we wil find the next superstar, but somehow I can tell that it wont be me.

As anyone with a passing interest in poker will know that the game is a numbers game played at a psychological level. Basically play your best hands to your opponents weakness and get paid off. The one with the most chips in the end wins!

Well at this time of year when the winter apparently subsides, unless you live in the UK, and spring is in the air the hormones start to get excited and affairs of the heart become a very important topic. Some will woo the lady of their life some will look to pasture’s new.

Just as in cards if you are not getting ahead in a game it is time to find a new table or even in my case a new game entirely such as Badugi or some such exotic variation. Therefore with heart there is no difference and looking to get a taste of forbidden fruit is always a worthwhile gamble unless you are a Chelsea footballer.

Your success rate in the game of sex is dependent on your mental make up. Just as in poker a headfcuk will destroy your game and can damage you completely. So some people, men and women, have certain strategies to play the game.

There is the ‘Rod Stewart’ strategy! Stick to one type and aim to control the essential essence of that stereotype or all its worth. They do not have to be a model, slim and blond, they can be middle aged and bored, small and dominant, whatever, stick to the type and get to know your prey.

There is the ‘Pay As You Go’ method! Be the flashiest, most blingiest person in the room and the magpies will be attracted like flies to sh*t. Or play as many hands as possible going all in at the drop of a hat and sooner or later you will have a run in which you cant lose.

There are loads of method which work but the funniest one has to be ‘New Town, New Love’. When you arrive at a new game obviously no one knows who you are therefore you can play anyway you want, throw as many variables into the air and as long as you can take the odd beat you will score a prize. The reason why this has a prominent role in this post is that I was reminded of a story about a garage re-fitter who traveled the country and had a method of basically asking women for sex, but in a nice, none dodgy way and he would score time after time. Yes he would get a knock back and his success rate was roughly 1 in 20.

Now asking a women for sex will not get you anywhere if you say ‘do you want a shag’ or words to that effect. Our hero would start conversations about this that or the other and pick up on things such as does she play badminton go to the gym, is she into art etc once that has been pinpointed he would hone in and say I play badminton, like training, or, love art etc bang the the bait has worked.

Like I said it was not always successful but with a ROI of 5% not a bad investment and if it didn’t work, ah well at least he had a nice night out in a new town. The key thing in this method was that he had a reason to be away and there was a reason for having a chat. As with poker in a new game you can experiment with your hands and you can call when you know you are beaten because it is a new game. Throw enough chips in the air and you will catch a few.

A weekend spent watching the ups and downs of the beautiful game and not playing poker, one thing constantly came to mind, how is this making my life better?

Sure it was great watching Wayne Bridge take revenge on his former best friend John Terry for breaking the unwritten code of friends never going to the holy of holies with your best mates woman. OK they had broken up, ok he lived miles away, ok all is fair in love and war, ok she is a slapper and he is a dog. But the code remains once touched by your best friend that lady of celebrity land is now out of bounds and he should have asked for permission! No I am not some dyed in the wool misogynist its just the way it is between males.

The fact is if you do go into the holy of holies you should never get caught, as it creates bad vibe, bad karma and once that trust has been broken it can never be replaced. It is a scientific fact the 1 in 25 children is being raised by a man who does not know that he is not the father. Many guys have broken the code but have not been caught out!

So back to what I did over the weekend. Well nothing except give the bookmakers my hard earned cash in a irresponsible way, got slightly tipsy and listened to some ‘old skool’ music.  Using the poker tables to earn cash has now gone global and some new players that have come forward look the part and it should be interesting how they will develop to be the next Superstar of Online Poker.

So as I rekindle the poker juices and get back to the game of rogues, degenerates and vagabonds just take away this little idea why play badugi? Answer, because it makes you think in completely opposite to the way I was taught to think when learning poker. In badugi you go for low cards of different suits, a complete reverse to the way my mind operates at the moment.

So while you ponder whether to have a go at this South Korean curiosity, check out this amazing old skool choon by Basshead and featuring Afrika Bambaataa on vocals - altogether now ACCCCIIIIIIIIEEEEED!

The next poker superstar

A UK group of poker playing businessmen plan to take on the big boys and win by creating the UK’s first professional poker stable. For this aim they have joined forces with Pokerknave.com.

The ultimate aim is to help create the next superstar poker players online and live.

How it works

Put simply we stake poker players in return for a share of any winnings.

Beyond staking we also providing coaching, performance training and media management to ensure maximum profits for both the stable and our players.

2010 Goals

Final Table Finish at the WSOP
Final Table Finish at the WCOOP
Final Table FInish at the ECOOP
100 MTT Event Wins
At least one player in Online Top 100 Players
10 players in the Online Top 1000 Players

If you have been winning on a regular basis at the lower limits on poker websites and wish to move up a league on a risk free basis then we want to talk to you. All correspondence will be confidential on both side.

We will need to have answers to these following questions;

1. How long have you been playing?

2. How many games do you play a week/month?

3. What format do you play?

4. How would you describe your playing style?

5. What are your Strengths and Weaknesses?

Please contact us and tell us your story,